Well, hello there boys and girls!
I want to start with some news that made me extremely happy and proved my time spent writing these articles has been worthwhile – the goal of $100 has been hit! I’m proud I made my own (insignificant, but positive) difference and want to thank all of you who donated! For those who still haven’t, but want to support the campaign, you can do so here.
Now onto today’s topic. In case you’re new here, this is part 4 of my Movember series on improving mental health with specific actions and concepts you can apply in your life.
Compared to the previous two editions, today’s one includes less easy-to-implement advice and some abstract principles instead, which could be interpreted rather loosely. Unfortunately, changing your attitude towards yourself isn’t something anyone can make a step-by-step guide for and isn’t all that easy either.
You’ll see what I mean in a sec. Let’s get into it!
Though you can always be better, you are good enough
As touched on in the very first edition of this series, mental health issues such as depression, anxiety disorder, and panic attacks do have a very significant impact on many if not all aspects of your life.
Crucially, these include social interactions and work performance. During periods when you struggle mentally, you are very likely to be unproductive and take it out on others or avoid people altogether. All the while feeling an immense amount of guilt for not being your best self.
This only intensifies an already existing problem that every human being struggles with – the balance between self-acceptance and self-improvement. And I’ve noticed that people wrestling depression or anxiety, myself included, tend to lack the self-acceptance part. This makes you extremely hyper-critical towards yourself which – surprise, surprise – puts you even more out of balance.
The mindset you should be after is such that you stay self-conscious of the mistakes you make and recognize the areas of improvement, but at the same time not beating yourself up for them. None of the negative self-talk will do anything good for you.
Yes, you have room for improvement and have to be working on certain skills. This is true for anyone at any point of their life. Yet, you are as good, valuable, and worthy of love as anyone else and you have really start believing that and incorporating it in the way you address yourself in your own head.
Warned you this post is quite abstract. Let me help you out with a tip. If you struggle with reinforcing positive self-talk, then start with simple actions that show self-love and self-respect. For example, mine include using some high quality natural facial creams, supplements, and in general overspending on anything that would be better for my body compared to the alternative.
Notice that this isn’t about buying things that would impress anyone else, though going for better quality clothes or the new iPhone may certainly be acts of self-love… but they’re generally not, at least not fully.
Be overly picky about what you’re working on
Work is not just a way to make money. It can also be a form of self-expression, it’s certainly a significant portion of the time you spend on this planet and it is a major way to achieve personal satisfaction.
Sometimes you may not really have any other options but do a job despite hating it in your guts, because you need it to make a living. Chances are, this will be the case for you at some point in your career. But it’s something you can’t ignore.
If the nature of your job (or your own business in some cases), the company culture/values/goals are not in-line with your personal values and interests, or you strongly dislike the people you’re working with, it will inevitably affect you mentally as well. Give it enough time, stress will pile up like the unopened emails in my inbox (FYI – 42K). Furthermore, you can’t get much satisfaction when what you’re doing during the majority of your awake time is in dissonance with your identity.
There’s good news – you do have at least a partial control over what you’re working on. Of course, being hired at your dream job isn’t a decision you take, building a profitable business for depends as much on your effort as on external factors such as the economy, competition, etc.
However, improving your skills to make yourself more attractive to employers in your field of interest is entirely up to you. Likewise, you are in charge of the time and effort you put in a personal project that you’re looking to turn into a source of income. Make sure though that such a project is only started if it’s 100% reflective of your interests and skills. Otherwise it may become yet another burden to your life and a stress inducer.
In short, disliking what you’re working on may be a major source of anxiety, if it’s not in-line with your true self. If that’s the case for you, then take action until you get there by working on skills or an independent personal project, or both. What do I do outside of work? An F1-related podcast and an F1-related beer. Figured out what I’m passionate about yet?
Make promises you can keep
Ideally, you don’t make promises you couldn’t keep to anyone. But there is one person you never want to let down and that is yourself. If you do not consider yourself trustworthy, not only nobody else will, but it will negatively affect your capability to trust other people as well.
Even disregarding the social factor here, failing at doing the things you promised yourself is upsetting enough and may have some real consequences on your mental well-being.
So whenever you commit to something, be it in your own head, through New Year’s Resolutions, or in any other way, make it manageable, much like my advice, related to exercise in the second post of this series.
Become comfortable being by yourself
Here’s a concept that’s hopefully not breaking news to you – you can spend time alone and still be happy. This is a time when you can create, when you can enjoy some great books, see new places and find enlightenment in each of these. It is also very freeing.
But more than anything, it’s a necessary step in order to become ready for what I consider to be the final pillar for mental health – Relationship with others (more on this in my next post). Because, after all, you can only connect with others if you’re truly connected with yourself.
There’s no tips or tricks here, you’ll have to figure it out by yourself. But certainly make the time for it, if you’re not already there! My favourite and most consistent ways of doing it:
1) Isolating myself to write
2) Sitting at a cafe or in the park, depending on a weather and reading for a few hours
3) Going out for a walk in the park alone every evening, leaving even my phone at home
Well, that’s it for today. Hope you found something useful in here.
Cheers and see y’all tomorrow, probably?